No Longer Dead

Shane

I watch her intently.
She seems different. More nervous. More skittish. Maybe all of this hell around us has gotten to her.
I can't really find the words. They are stuck in my throat, threatening to burst but not coming forth. You'd figure that since I have been through so much recently, I would at least be able to come up with a lame, sappy speech.

But right now, staring into those wide, hazel eyes...I couldn't speak. Mostly sat there, digging into those eyes, taking them in.

What I really want to tell her was that I think she is beautiful. That every moment with her, even when killing zombies, is worthwhile. That I've had a thing for her since I was a goofy kid, chasing her around the playground and making odd rawr noises.

I want to let her know that.......I...love her. Started out as just a 'like'. But over this past week...it's grown to be much more than that. I know that only one week seems like too short a time to fall in love. But when you spend all your time with a person, protect them, trust them with your life and hold them when the nightmares come...it's hard not to fall in love. Being in love with her is one of the only things I am completely sure about these days. Such a warm feeling, like I am floating. Corny, I know. But true.

Though, I can't. I just...can't. Those eyes have a power. They freeze me. Make it hard to think. So...I act instead.

Without a word, I thread my fingers through hers. I then slowly move forward, placing my lips over hers. I kiss her. A soft, vulnerable kiss, my lips tingling at the feeling.

Kaylee

For a moment, I froze, tensing up as his lips pressed against mine. All those old feelings of just wanting to be left alone, fear of what would happen if I got to close to someone, they all came flooding back. I'd felt that way before the dead, and I almost felt that way now.

But... this was Shane. Shane, the one who had my back, who protected me and trusted me.

... The one I should tell.

Relaxing against him, I felt as though the kiss was meant to be, lips soft against each other as my arms reached up to wrap around his neck.

Something that this world had taught me in the past week, you couldn't afford to keep pushing people away until you felt comfortable around them. There... wasn't time.

Shane

She froze for a moment there. I guess I half panicked. Maybe my kiss is not good enough. Maybe she does not feel the same way. Then this would all be a mistake, and things would be awkward between us.
But then I felt her lips reacting, moving against mine, her arms going around me as my arms went around her, until there was almost no space between us.

Kissing is a weird feeling. I have only kissed one other girl before, and that was a dare from Brutus. He was the ladies man. I was just sorta...there. He dared me to go kiss poor, nerdy Sammi Green under the bleachers. I won the dare, and he had to do my laundry for a week.

But this kiss was so much different. This kiss has feeling, and a spark. It was an intoxicating kiss, making me want more. But eventually I have to breath.
I pull away, resting my forehead against hers, listening to our ragged breaths as they meshed together. After that kiss, I finally got the confidence.
"I love you, Kaylee," I murmur softly. Doesn't matter if she says she loves me back. I just need to let her know.

Kaylee

At that moment, I couldn't breath. It wasn't the 'your dying' kind of not breathing, but the 'what the heck did he just say?' and being unable to force air in and out kinda thing. My hands tensed around his neck, eyes searching his. I knew the words I should say, and I knew that I had to say them. He said this now, of all times, now. I should be grateful, acknowledge my chance to say it before I die... before... I become one of...

But... I couldn't. My lips wouldn't move, mind stuck on that one word.

Love.

He loved me.

Shane. Shane loved me.

I... I loved him too. My hands clinched around his neck, and much like he had felt a moment ago, I couldn't managed to get any words out. It felt as if something had grabbed my throat and blocked anything else from escaping.

Except that cough.

Jerking backwards I clamped my hand over my mouth, a harsh, ragged cough escaping my lips. I couldn't keep that one away, as much as I had wanted to. It was like a monster, fighting to get out... keeping what needed to get out... down... unseen... unheard.

Shane

For I while I think that the cough was her clever way of escaping. A good excuse to not say it back. But then I listened harder, and realized that this was no fake cough. She is sick.
I frown, my hand sneaking from around her waist and setting on her forehead. Love can wait, right? If she is sick, then we have different things to worry about.

...Unless she has been bitten. But I'm too scared of that happening, that I decide not to ask. At least not right now.

"You're sick," I say bluntly, felling the clammy warmness of her forehead. I stare at her, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

Kaylee

I shake my head, body trembling slightly as I drop my eyes, unable to meet his. Sick... that was one way to put it. I guess this whole thing was kinda like a disease, you get bit, you die, you come back. Kinda like some modern day plague.

"Not.. sick." I mutter, chewing on my lip.

Somehow I get the lid off the bottle, raising it to my lips to take a small swig. That cough left a nasty taste in my mouth, a coppery, kinda irony thing.

Shane

I brush my lips against hers for a moment, kissing off the extra water there. I pull away and eye her cautiously.
"Not sick? What do you mean?" I ask, almost afraid of what she might say.

Please let it just be allergies.

Kaylee

I shook my head, attempting to speak once again... but... now words will come out. How do I say it?

I'm bit.

I'm dying.

How do you follow 'I love you' with that?

"...nothing." I muttered softly. "You're probably right... just don't want to imagine becoming sick during all this... it'll slow us down."

That said, my mind was still focused on that small kiss he'd just given me, following the other one we just shared. I had the sudden urge to instigate a kiss of my own, prove to him that I wanted this, I wanted him... but... I didn't know how. Did I just... lean forwards and press my lips to his? Was there some sign that said that he would be okay with it?

... is it right to be kissing someone when you're going to die?

To make them suffer more... when your gone...?

Or is it best... to push them away... make them think that you don't love them...?

I don't know.

Or perhaps.. perhaps I do.. and just don't want to admit it... that would mean losing him... which... I can't....

Shane

My brows furrow as I study her, trying to figure out what's going through her head.
I smile at her and push her back, forcing her to lay down, her head hitting the soft pillow.

"...Sleep, Kaylee. You'll probably feel better in the morning," I say, voice soft to soothe her, but firm enough to reassure her. It was just a cough. Doesn't mean anything.
I pick the blanket from the floor and tuck her into it, smoothing some hair back from her face.

"Hell, you might even be able to get a shower in tomorrow." I add, an attempt to lighten things up a little.

Kaylee

"A shower..." I echoed, not at all caring that he had pushed me back.

That was the wonderful thing about Shane. He was like a big brother, a best friend, and... a boyfriend all rolled into one. He knew what was good for everyone it seemed, and it was as if he knew exactly how to get us to do it right. I... I would miss him...

Would I even remember him?

No, I shouldn't be thinking like that. It wasn't going to help a thing. I had to pretend to be fine, I should tell him... but...

"That sounds nice..." I murmured, relaxing and trying to ease myself back into sleep.

Shane

I can feel my eyes subconsciously flicker to her lips, and I hesitate for a moment. She did not say she loved me back. But, then again, she did not push me away when I kissed her. So I tilt my head and kiss her again, a much softer kiss, our lips matching together like puzzle pieces. I give her hand a gentle squeeze.

"I'm here, Kaylee. If you have any nightmares, wake me up." I say to her, my voice coming out as more of a mumble. I pull away a little bit, my thumb lightly stroking her cheekbone, then I let my hand drop.

Kaylee

I barely heard him, my head rushing from the small kiss. I had to tell him. It wouldn't be right. Screw what I thought before. If I died and he didn't know... I would hate myself.

...if I got the chance.

"...thank-you. " I murmured, figuring out what he had said. "Goodnight....and...I love you."

There.

I said it.

...why don't I feel any better now that I have?

Shane

I blink, not able to hold back a smile. I never really liked my smile. My teeth are uneven and yellow from too much brown soda, making my smile look crooked. But I smile anyway. First genuine smile since...well. Since the morning of when all hell broke loose.

I nod and lay down on the floor, letting her have the couch to herself. "....G'night, Kay."

Kaylee --

"Sweet dreams..." I mumbled, already beginning to fall asleep.

I could almost forget what was happening to me. What I was becoming.

Almost.

--------

A few hours later Kaylee woke up, coughs ripping through her chest as she did her best to muffle herself. She couldn't manage to move out of the couch though, almost working to even breath at the moment. Her thoughts of not saying a word were gone, groans escaping her lips.

Shane

I immediately awoke at the coughing. I was never a very heavy sleeper, even more so now that the world is like this. But I'm somehow used to it now. To very few hours of sleep, and being constantly tense.

I sit up, then look over at Kaylee.
.....
Shit.
No.
Damn it.
That's what Brutus looked like. Drained, empty;energy fading. Skin turning grey. He started with a bite, then a fever, then coughs. Then he just...died. It was only a matter of time until my best friend turned into some crazed monster trying to eat me.
My hands instinctively reach for the gun by my pillow, and I jump to my feet.
"Kaylee? Kaylee. You okay?"
...
She could just be sick. Honestly.

Kaylee just shook her head, tears coursing down her cheeks as she attempted to silence herself, for May. No matter how hard she tried though the coughs could still break though, black beginning to spot her vision at the inability to get a proper breath. Tilting her head to look at Shane her eyes begged for his forgiveness at this one thing, entire body beginning to tremble.

Shane

I just...stared at her in shock for a while. That look. I know that look she wears. ...When could she have been bitten? I was careful. I made sure to protect her and May, and never left their side...

FUCK.

Zombie in the kitchen, when I shot that infant. The damn kitchen. She should have told me. Maybe we could have done something. Hell, I don't know what that could have been. But...something. Maybe we could have given her some...I don't know...Tylenol. Who knows, maybe Tylenol can stall the zombie process.

I blink and shake my head, trying to keep the small rising panic from my face. I am being ridiculous. Fuck Tylenol.

I crouch back down in front of her, wrapping her into a hug.
"....Kay...stay with me. C'mon. May needs you." I pause for a small while, listening to her muffled coughs. My voice gets lower, almost vulnerable.

"I need you."

Kaylee fell into the hug her thoughts getting clouded the more time that passed. She knew what he said, but couldn't seem to make any words come out of her mouth. As time passed she could barely even cough, her vision starting to go completely black. Clinging to him her grip began to loosen even as she managed to get one more, strangled word out from her lips.

"...L-l-love..."

Then her body went slack, vision fading completely.

Shane

Then she goes limp. Completely limp. Her breathing stops, as well as her heart.
I'm not really sure what to do now. My mind feels too...clouded. Guilt, greif...I'm not sure if I can even tell. I stare off over her shoulder. I can actually feel myself start to cry, the tears rolling off my cheeks and onto her shirt.

"...I...I'm sorry..." I mutter. This is my fault. And now I just feel...empty.

It takes a single thought of May for me to wipe my face and stand up, letting Kaylee's lifeless body drop to the floor. I wish I could go back...somehow save her, or maybe pick a different house to stay at. But it's too late now. Too late.

A short time later the body twitched. Then again it laid still, then twitched again as a low noise emerged from it. Then it began to drag itself up, sightless eyes staring out before it. No longer what would normally be considered Kaylee the creature took a stumbled step forward.


May

I sat up among the sheets, whimper reaching my ears. A moment later I realized it was me that made the noise. Unable to help a few scared tears I scrambled out of the bed, planning to go find Kaylee. She always knew how to make the bad things go away.

Shane

Everything feels so...numb. After losing everything and everyone, I didn't realize how close I was to Kaylee. Now she's gone, and I...well. I'm not really sure how to feel. My chest feels hollow, and for a moment, I think I may pass out.

It takes a single moan to bring me to my senses, and I quickly snap back to reality. I stumble back and grab my gun, eyeing Kaylee's body as it gets to its feet.

Shit. This is bad. This is very bad.

May

I moved to the doorway and peered outside in time to see Kaylee moving towards Shane. It seems to happen in slow motion and for a moment all I can do is hug myself. There's nothing wrong with her, there can't be, it's my Kaylee and yet... even I can see the way she's holding herself isn't right. How Shane is holding his gun. ... this is Kaylee though.

******

The body continued its stumbling gait forward, ears straining for some hint of sound. It was then it heard the soft whimper from the bedroom doorway where May was standing. Moaning again it began to move faster, towards her.