Homestuck: Character Edition

TG: hey TA is pesterin me so ill go nao
TG: im kinda freaked here

TurbulentGuest (TG) stopped pestering GrifterCannibal (GC) at 14:51

Reply to the ellipsis-using one.

You change pesterchum windows and reply to TA

TG: hey man ill try to cnnect 2 U
TG: things R gettin weird here so i may B patchy

You hear noises from the another room.

Investigate.

Hell no. There could be anything there! Meanwhile, you see the floaty dino head thingy doing something weird. it splits into a black circle and a white circle, both with skull pictures on, and both of which float away. Something like a raptor skull crossed with a genie remains behind. Weird.

Touch the glowy floaty raptor skull thingy.

HELL NO.

TA: ...uh...0k...
TA: ...wh47 d0 y0u m34n....w31rd...?
TA:...1s 17 gl17chy?

You cannot stand when game programmers don't do their crap right... Honestly, there are people you know that could programme better games than some of the people... wherever games are made at. ...Probably. As long as programming actually is kinda the same as whatever you do to make stuff show up in the shrinebox...

Though alright, to be fair, whatever you would be capable of drumming up in Auda would prbably only be able to render like... 16 pixels or something stupid like that... but...it wouldn't have half the weird glitches that were coming on the stuff you plugged into your shrinebox, you'd bet.

TA: ...1s... wh3n y0u s4y p47chy... uhm... 1s...
TA: ...1s 7ha7...s4f3?
TA: ...uhm...7h47 k1nd4 sc4r3s m3...

If there is minimal connection to the Internet... Then... does that mean that your god and your entire religion as you know it is unfounded poppycock? Does this mean that everything you know in the world is wrong? ...won't everyone's book of faces status be reset if the Internet goes down?

You brief ponder the sociological implications of that. Maybe you could get your parents back through manually resetting the family tree if the Internet goes. But then if everyone had that thought and thought the same thing... then... wouldn't you have a population boom on your hands?

And... also, don't you also have the issue of THE INTERNET GOING DOWN? because... really... that implies the end of the world as you know it, and therefore the end of everything else... and...

You don't want to think about going before Ceiling Cat and having your soul judged...

Stop being a philosoraptor.

You decide not to think about it and just fire up your shrinebox.

TG: wel i cn here sum noises from the other room
TG: i think thers sumthing hapning
TG: im scared as wel

Investigate the noises.

Do you have to? You feel uneasy just thinking about them. Okay, fine. You nervously crack open the door, hoping against hope that it's just Slenderman or Felix the Angst-Ridden Rhinoceros. There is a trail of some kind of sandy substance across the floor. Your worst fears have been realised: your best friend's house has been invaded by illegal sand-smugglers.

Be the server for the black text.

You try to calm down. You are terrified out of your skull, but you decide to provide the server for TA. You insert the server disk and message him.

TG: hokay ready 2 go. im cnnectin 2 U.

TA: ...0k...uhm... 1f 3v3ry7h1ng d13s...
TA: n3v3rm1nd...1 d0n'7 3v3n w4nn4...
TA: y34h... jus7...y34h.

You apprehensively wait for Sburb to do something. You seem to need to hit an enter key.

Go get the right plug in so you don't have to do a whole bunch of stupid toggling you fool.

You trudge downstairs to go get the right plug in set of controllers for your shrinebox so that you don't look like a complete n00b.

There is a lonely milk crate on the floor filled with wires to assorted controllers that you have picked up over the years.

Uproot contents.

You rifle through your box of controllers until you find the appropriate gigantic rectangle of weird buttons, and stow it in your inventory.

Return upstairs.

You go back upstairs and try to get your weird rectangular control board out of your inventory.

This results in a chunk of rubble being expelled from your inventory and dropped on the ground, upsetting some rain buckets you have on the floor of your room so the wood flooring doesn't rot any more.

Internally cursing your current modus, you extract the correct thing from your inventory, plug it in instead of that silly Xbox controller you had plugged into the face of your shrinebox, and hit enter, confident that that was probably what that big button may have said if you had any confidence in your exceptionally craptastic literacy skills.

You almost take a moment to wonder how you are managing so well with pesterchum if you can't read, but... figure that any more theoretical analysis may break your small Audian head.

TA: ...n07 d34d...y37...

TG: kk gotcha

You are suddenly seized by an urge to experiment. You click and drag a wall.

TG: hey awk does this do NEthin?

TA: 4444444hhhh.... th47... 7h47 w4s my w4ll...

You are quite certain that whoever your neighbours are... they are not going to be happy with your room being redesigned to take away their square footage.

Not to mention the fact that because you now share a section of their roof... you are actually kind of getting rained on.

TA: wh47 4r3 y0u d01ng...? ...pu7 17 b4ck...

You oddly do not question HOW she moved the wall... just that it was moved... and... now you will probably incur a new rate on your property taxes somehow...

which of course, would suck.

TG: o gog sorry

You try to put the wall back, incurring a build grist cost. Well crap. GC said managed to place stuff, so...
There's an athenium. Whatever the hell one of them is. You open it, and find that everything costs build grist. All one options. What even is a perfectly generic object? Some green crap?
There's a Phrenalia Registry. That makes even more sense. You open that, and find free stuff. Score!

TG: im gonna drop sum stuff.

You drop an Alchemiter, a Totem Lathe, a Cruxtruder and a pre-punched card. okay, you know that this stuff is useful because GC gave them to you and they came in handy.

TG: these things do stuff

There is now a prepunched card on the floor in front of you, and from the way your sister is yelling, you suppouse that some crap is downstairs as well.

Go downstairs and interact with your sister.

No.

She's mean. You don't want her to yell at you about something or something again.

You don't really have a choice do you?

Go. Now.

Fine.

You stand back up, inventorying the punched card and walk downstairs. Your sister is carrying on about some random white piece of machinery that was dropped where the shrinebox had been not a half hour ago.

"Expletives... T.Mor what the crap IS this? Get it out of my house."

You briefly consider mentioning that the house is technically yours, because you're the eldest and your name is on the deed. That entire idea dies on the tip of your toungue, because that battle has been fought too many times too many other days, and it never ends well.

Mutter useless response.

"I... I can't... It... It's in a game... I mean... I'm... this is... yeah.. It's complicated..."

Well. That helped.

Maybe you get points for trying.

Not so much luck there.

"And what kind of expletiving game DROPS STUFF IN MY LIVING ROOM?"

Options:
>Attempt Explanation
>Abscond: Upstairs
>Abscond: Downstairs

Screw the explanation. You are crap at explaining.

You abscond downstairs, to where the furnace is, and find two more big white scary machines sitting there comfortably.

Alright then.

Now...what to do with them?

And how to tell TA that they exist? ...You have to tell her they exist.

Attempt to get back upstairs without being yelled at again.

Do you have to? ...You really hate it when she yells at you, especially since you feel like you're letting down the parental units by not listening to her every whim.

...fine.

YOUNG ADULT SCAMPER.

You bolt up both sets of stairs and even though she is yelling at you you ignore it and achieve the relative safety of your room.

TA: ...7h47 w4s.. wh47 d0 1 d0 w17h 7h0s3...?

TG: thers a weel dealio on thew side of 1 of them
TG: U turn it

You do not think that that will suffice as an explanation, but you can hear things moving again. And the floaty skull is being difficult. What does it want now? You consider asking GC. Actually that's a pretty good idea.

Turbulent Guest (TG) began pestering GrifterCannibal (GC)

TG: the skul wants sumthing
TG: i
TG: brb

Investigate noises.

HELL. FUCKING. NO.

Fine. Equip Sockkind Abstratus and THEN investigate the noises.

You retrieve your sock full of marbles from your rucksack modus. It takes ages, and you're sure that the noises are getting louder all the time. You open the door again, and encounter some toothy little monster. It is, according to the words floating above it, a Sand Imp.

The damned thing has some kind of skull helmet on and is gnawing on the table. Why? You don't even know.

STRIFE!

>Aggrieve
>Abjure
>Abscond
>Accidentally

You Aggrieve the imp with a sock full of marbles. In fact, you aggrieve it repeatedly in the face until its bone helmet falls off. You aggrieve it until it stops twitching, and feel slightly guilty. In less than a second, it disappears to be replaced with some weird gem shit.
It's probably radioactive.

Start memo.

TurbulentGuest (TG) opened a memo "Sburb stuff" at 14:57

TG: hokay guys
TG: weird shit is weird
TG: thers imps now

((alright. that actually does help. Thanks! XD))

You are sitting on your bed, staring at the mostly blank screen. You aren't really looking at the things on the screen.

You are being pestered by one of your friends.

Respond to pester

OP: Weirdcrap?
OP: Soundslike alot offun.
OP: Forgetthis.
OP: Iam firingit upnow.
OP: Heregoes nothing!

You put the Sburb beta in the drive. After watching the fascinating load screen, you are about to hit enter when you have a sudden burst of inspiration. You run over to your guitar, and strike up a cool riff. You then remember the game, and flop back on your bed.

You then decide to start the game by doing the only thing you can, hitting enter.

Hit enter.

You have no idea what to do with the wheely thingies on the side of the one machine. And to make matters worse, you are now kind of sequestered upstairs by your angry sister.

TA: ... ...uhm... c4n... c4n y0u... m4k3... 4... uhm... l1k3... h0l3... t0... d0wns741rs?

You hope that she's decent enough at architecture that you can just sorta... discreetly scamper down through it and to the machines.

...though what to do with the one in the living room... is... an issue.

GC: what's it want. i mean really. we fed it dino bones. selfish glowy thing.

You watch the scene before you unfold in bizarre confusion.

GC: i think you're gonna need something more than a sock with marbles. maybe a bucket of bricks. i mean.
GC: if you're going to level up. eventually. you'll need more. ammo and crap.
GC: also pick up anything collectable. come in handy.

You hope that she realises that all that glowy crap is probably loot. You've played a good bit of videogames in your time to realise that.

Talk to the other guy.

Man you're popular today aren't you?

GC: you're starting the game.
GC: that is kinda scary.
GC: wait if i'm /in/ a game. and i'm servering a game.
GC: this is going to get borked up real fast.

You decide to alert your fellow player about the possibly impending borkage.

GC: hey. tg. op is starting a game with me.
GC: if crap goes to crap. blame him.

You tab back over to the other guy.

GC: alright. uhm. so.

Make candles.

THAT IS STILL STUPID.

You close your eyes as you hit the enter key.

OP: ...didit work?
OP: Ido notknow ifit actuallyworked

You look at the screen. There is a house on the screen. Upon closer examination, you realize it is GrifterCannibal's house.

OP: Isee yourhouse.
OP: Thisis freaky
OP: Isthat?
OP: Thatis YOU

You stare in surprise at the screen. You can't believed it actually worked. You jump up in excitement, and reach for your guitar once again. You love your guitar more than life itself, and therefore feel the need to play it near constantly. After playing an awesome riff, you captchalogue the guitar for later use.

TG: sure awk.
TG: sum stares comin up

Make a hole and some stairs.

The hole generates grist, but the stairs cost grist. Thus balance is conserved. You ponder this as you continue hacking his house apart.

Read olive text.

Ooh, loot? Sweet. Nice drops. You Lass Scamper around collecting grist and reveling in the sheer enjoyment of saying the word grist.

Try not to get distracted by mellifluousness.

Grist. Griiiiiiist. What? Sorry. The floaty thing is still bugging you, and you hear a door creak. it doesn't sound like the imps. The creepiness coefficient of the creak is altogether too high... And too familiar.

Greet Slenderman nervously.

Nervous? Why would you be nervous? Slendy is hella sweet. If you weren't already friends with benedict this guy would be your best friend. Plus those suits look fantastic on him.
He appears to have taken offence at the floaty glowy thingy, and lashes out at it. Nothing can escape slenderman, and he-
What?

Observe Slendersprite.

What in hell is this. What is this you don't even.

Continue reading Olive text.

TG: GC this is getting a bit complex
TG: i hope its cool at Ur end
TG: okay if U go i will no Y
TG: dont go plox

TA: ...7h4nks... uhm...

Descend.

You descend the new and conveniently placed staircase to the thingys downstairs.

Inspect the scary new machines more thoroughly.

You do. You find the crank on the side of the one as TG had instructed you, which you consider to be a good thing.

You start cranking the wheel. This is going all well and good for you until the wheel sticks...It seems to be stuck because the lid won't go.

Too bad you don't have a crowbar handy.

Ascend.

You go upstairs and look around your room for something that can get that lid off.

Captchalogue Rubble.

...wait...didn't you just get that OUT of your inventory? Why on Erf would you ever actually WANT it back in there? That would be stupid.

Captchalogue Ru---

Fine. Fine. If that's what you want...Fine.

You captchalogue the rubble and go back downstairs. You are unsure how it helped you that you have the rubble in your inventory now, but, clearly... that isn't your problem.

Eject Rubble.

Well... That actually makes sense. You chuck the Rubble from your inventory and it knocks against the lid of the machine thingy thing, which kinda pops it open enough that you can get your skinny little Audian fingers under there and pry the thing the rest of the way off.

You then proceed to crank the thing the rest of the way up.

A magical glowing green can of insanity pops out.

TA: ...1s...1s 7h1s... 3d1bl3?

Be the other girl.

GC: did you just. did you just prototype. slenderman.
GC: you have a slenderman. in your house.
GC: whatisthisidonteven

Address other matters at hand.

OP can see your house. On his screen. Which... means that you are now... actually playing as well as servering, you suppouse. Which is... alright you admit it, both cool and utterly baffling, bordering on downright silly.

GC: uh. alright op.
GC: that. that sounds. about right. from what i'm seeing.
GC: get in your thingy and get the machines. i'll go move bodies around and assorted expletiving crap.
GC: for. you know. space.

You know how does. You've seen this all once before, so you kinda know what all to expect. Ish.

You wonder if there will be raptor imps here shortly.

That would suck.

TG: U shuld be Cin some glowy orb thing soon awk
TG: it wants stuff

You stop as you hear noises from the other room.

TG: uh oh

TG: Investigate noises. Again.

Oh hell. The next room is full of imps. Hundreds of them.
>Aggrieve
>Abjure
>Abscond
>Accidentally

TG: >Accidentally.

You accidentally Felix the Angst-Ridden Rhinoceros in a room full of imps. It is dangerous. There is grist everywhere. Like, all over the walls.

TG: Enjoy saying grist.

No. You've already done that. Why don-
Griiiiiiiiist.

TG: Shut up.

...Grist.

TG: Answer the olive text.

TG: yah hes pretty cool
TG: dusnt do much
TG: grist

GC: yeah. grist. man. maybe we could like. buy more crap. or. i dunno.
GC: something.

You pause again to contemplate whether or not your house will soon be covered in imps.

You also cannot help but wonder what that big grey thing with horns was that Wendy Accidentally'd. Probably a magic kanoodle or something else weird you've never heard of.

Stop making up fictional animals.

But...why? There are only philosoraptors here, according to legend... and those are scary. And make you think.

Be the Awkward one.

You are awkward. And there is indeed a glowy thing that has risen out of the place that the mysterious glowing can that cannot be opened came from.

You know it can't be opened... because you kinda tried. Just to see. Nothing happened.

You wonder what kind of stuff it wants. You don't really own a lot of stuff. Erm.

TA: ...uh... wh47 s7uff? ...1 m43n... 1.. l1k3... 4ny7h1ng?

OP: Youare sodescriptive
OP: Getin yourthingy isso technical
OP: Machines
OP: Iwill getright tothat.

You pull up a screen with a lot of random objects on it. They look interesting. You drag the mouse over to one, and click on it. You place it inconveniently in the middle of GC's room.

OP: Ido notknow whatthis thingdoes
OP: butitsure looksimportant enough

You start messing around with the game controls. You soon run across a strange error. You need some sort of thing called grist to do whatever you were about to do that would obviously have been completely pointless. You decide to pester GC about what this "grist" is.

Pester GC.

OP: OhandGC
OP: Whatexactly isthis griststuffthat thegame keepsmentioning

GC: it's like. uh. stuff. for. to spend on like. buying thingys. and moving thingys.
GC: like. if you moved my wall. that would cost grist. and then you'd be screwed.
GC:you know. there's free crap. in the phrenalia magigger.

Realise he insulted your vocabulary.

You realise that he insulted your vodabulary.

GC: you tell me what it is then. mr icanread. i mean. geez.
GC: you probably went to school.

TG: like importnt stuff
TG: it wants sumthin.

Hear voices.

You only hear one voice. It sounds like Slenderman but more... Shimmery. After all, it's your head the voice is inside. You can describe it how you want.

Wendy: who sed that?
Slendersprite: I Did.
Wendy: hey slendy
Slendersprite: Hey Wendy.

Hi-five Slendersprite nervously.

Why would you be nervous? Slendersprite is eleven kinds of epic.

Update TA.

TG: hey man
TG: looks lik Ur glowy thingys gonna talk so U betr put in sumthing cool

TA: ...s0m37h1ng....c00l...?
TA: wh47 3v3n...?
TA: ...3xpl14n?

You don't know what you have if anything that when fused with a magical and perplexing glowing... ...uh... thing... will say cool words.

You realise that most of your items are...silent. As..well, as they should be.

OP: Noneed toget sotouchy
OP: Iwas justmaking anobservation
OP: Sogrist wouldbe veryimportant then
OP: Goodto know

You start messing around with different things in the phrenalia magigger. You find a few other things that you can seem to make without using the mysterious grist. You place the machinery in a haphazard manner around GC's room.

OP: Ido notknow whatall thisstuff does
OP: Iamsure itmust beimportant
OP: Itisfree afterall

GC: oh. good. that stuff.
GC: it makes weird floating crap and radioactive cylinders.
GC: you know we all need those.

You ignore any further comments regarding your vocabulary or the conversation regarding your vocabulary. You also ignore the fact that until recently you were unaware that the word vocabulary didn't have a 'd' in it.

You proceed over to the machine that you know you will have to pry the lid off of somehow. Seems a logical place to start.

You make the executive decision that copying Wendy's actions would be a good place to start and from there you could probably make modifications based on practicality as the case may be.

Go turn that handle.

You can't just leave your shrinebox yet, you have to tell Wendy that she may be on her own for a moment as a result of the abrupt dropping of machines in your room.

You contemplate calling them plot machinations briefly, but then decide that making weird puns is not an operative thing to do in this situation.

Make candles.

...You decide not to even dignify that with a response and go on to pester Wendy.

GC: so. i have a bunch of machines in my room.
GC: if i don't answer. that may be why.
GC: have fun with the imps.
GC: i mean kill them all.

Respond to the olive text.

TG: Ummmmmmmmkay
TG: klling them now

Repel the invaders!

>Aggrieve
>Abjure
>Abscond
>Accidentally

TG: >Aggrieve

You aggrieve the fuck outta that imp. There is grist, like, everywhere.

Talk to Slendersprite.

Wendy: Hey man
Slendersprite: There is a gate above this house.
Slendersprite: Go onto the roof and seek it out.
Slendersprite: Then lead me To The Ark
Wendy: What?
Slendersprite: Sorry.
Slendersprite: Old habits die hard.

Respond to black text.

TG: lik sumthin that wold be cool if it coud talk
TG: like stuff
TG: its gonna give you imprtant advice

((Whoot?

Name: Take a guess (and no, that's not the literal name)

Username: None yet (also not the literal name)

Manner of typing: English, and nothing more. Certainly no typing quirks. Who has time for that?))


You are at A-3, preparing to--

> Peter: Be accosted by Izzy.

No. This not what you were preparing for. As such, you are not prepared for it. But are you ever? Better find out what she wants. She's not going to leave otherwise.

Show Dialoglog:

TA: ...uh...0k...
TA: ...1'll... g0 s33...

Scour room for Advice Giving Canine.

What even is a canine? You don't have one of those.

Get arms.

...That makes even less sense than finding whatever a canine is. You decide that you ought to perhaps find something that is actually capable of giving good, solid advice that any sound Audian would be able to look at and say: man. That is advice.

What do you have that would be such a pillar of common Audian sensibility though?

Evaluate walls.

You look at your walls. ...You now feel like an idiot. The whole answer has been staring down at you the whole entire time.

Advice Dog.

You go stand on your mattress and pull your poster of advice dog off the wall, exposing a nasty hole in the drywall that exposes all the boards within it. You stow it in your inventory.

Prototype Advice Dog.

...Part of this feels like you are committing some kind of crime against religion, and you wonder for a moment whether or not there will be cosmic repercussions for doing this in the form of modifications to your Book of Faces page.

You go downstairs through the nifty new staircase that was so nicely built for you, and look at the freaky floating light again.

You then eject the poster from your inventory. The orb absorbs the poster.

There is now a glowy floaty Advice Dog head instead of an orb. You stare.

TA: ...7H1s...1s... fr34ky...