Homestuck: Character Edition

1. Take one of your personal characters.
2. get them playing Sburb.
3. ?????
4. Profit!

Tell us as much or as little about your character as you wish. There are only three things we have to know.
1. Their name.
2. Their Pesterchum Account name.
3. Their manner of typing on Pesterchum.

That's it. You all know what happens next. However, I would like to suggest that we get four people playing together and get them into the Medium before we do too much else.

Alex Wolfe
His Pesterchum info is in his profile

Wendy Go
Her Pesterchum info has also been appended to her profile.

Now we just need two more people. Also, as it is possible to edit posts, we can genuinely indulge in weird time shit.

T.Morbid Namechov

Peterchum info:

Typing style:n074bl3 l4ck 0f c4ps3v3rywh3r3... ...3xc3p710n4l qu4n71713s 0f 3ll1ps1s... ... ...uhm...y34h...

Username: TerminallyAwkward

Riddle

Pesterchum Info:

Typing style: SO IF I JUST TALK IN CAPS LIKE THIS AND THEN DECIDE THAT I NEED PASTRAMI ON TOP OF IT THEN CAN I JUST HAVE FIRE AND CALL IT A DAY OH AND THAT CRAP AT THE END OF A SENTENCE WHO NEEDS THAT I MEAN REALLY JUST PUT IT IN YOURSELF I DON'T HAVE THAT CRAP ON MY KEEBOARD I GOT RID OF IT TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE FLAMING PIGEONS

Username: CryogenicallyToothpaste

TurbulentGuest (TG) started pestering TerminallyAwkward (TA) at 14:21.

TG: Hey Awk things goin well w/ U?

TG: ill pester OP to C if hes got it.

TurbulentGuest (TG) stopped pestering TerminallyAwkward (TA) at 14:25

TurbulentGuest (TG) started pestering OptimisticallyPessimistic (OP) at 14:26

TG: hey there. got ur sburb copy yet?

Your name is T.Morbid Namechov. Upon logging off PesterChum and changing your shrinebox to the Nyan Cat channel like how it's suppoused to be, you contemplate how exactly you're going to reroute your path around the fire that seems to be blocking the fastest way to the Internet Warehouse.

You walk into the kitchen and take 35 rectangles from your savings... which...alright is suppoused to go towards building materials, but really... Fixing one leak isn't going to stop the place from crumbling to pieces around you... Right? ...So... you try not to feel guilty about the expenditure. It's hard. But... you figure it's kinda worth it... since... yeah.

You don't want to waste time sitting around contemplating the inner machinations of your guilt complex, so you continue outside to the wonderful fire stricken street, and carefully walk to the Internet Warehouse, having to reroute several times. You inadvertently captchalogue a piece of rubble on your way.

You finally arrive at the warehouse and captchalogue your copy of sburb. You wonder how exactly you're going to get it back out with the rubble from someone else's house stacked on top of it.

RC

Pesterchum Info:

Typing style: meh. you know. words on paper. on a screen. no biggie. caps. right. don't have time for those. whatevs.

Username: GrifterCannibal

GrifterCannibal started pestering TurbulentGuest at 14: 34

GC: hey. hey you. did you get it yet.
GC: tell me you got it.
GC: make my day.

TG: kk loaded up. hit enter. its all goin on up in here.

You stare at the installation screen for several seconds before pressing enter when prompted. You don't notice anything particularly special happening.

TG: Hey GC wanna get started?

Troll!Wade

Pesterchum Handle: GunCrazy

Typing style: ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY. WILL KILL YOU. SO MUCH ANGRY.

GC: alright lemme just. shrinebox being an idiot.


You stand up from your comfy spot on the floor, kick your shrinebox and sit back down, confident that that totally fixed the whole issue.

GC: fixed. alright lessee. tis loading.

You are told to hit enter. You don't really know how to do that as you have sega genesis controller plugged in at the moment. Stupid shrinebox making life difficult for you. You buttonmash uselessly for a bit and then finally something happens.

Wendy'd house seems to have appeared on your screen.

GC: i'm not a stalker. swear.
GC: ok. maybe i googled you. a few times.
GC: but. this is weird.

TG: U can see ma hous?
TG: WITCHCRAFT!!!!!!!1111 lol

You look around. Everything seems to be normal.

TG: pick sumthing up

GC: alright.
GC: my controls are all jacked up. stupid sega.
GC: alright figured that out.

Clumsily sorting out your bizarre game controller situation, you pick up a raptor skull and set it on the bed.

GC: dude. you have cheese. i want some. go great with my legmeat. mmmm....legmeat stew. still needs to simmer i think.

TG: U jus moved my raptor skull
TG: thats in my room how did you move it.
TG: can U move walls

You stand away from any walls, and captchalogue the raptor skull in your sylladex using the Rucksack modus.

GC: i dunno lemme try.
GC: wtf click and drag. i don't have a click. i have a sega.

You take a moment to rage silently to yourself about how you need to invest in more contemporary gaming plugins for your shinebox, and then button mash some more, discovering that the "SELECT" button does whatever click was suppoused to accomplish. You then use the arrow buttons to substitute for dragging. You got this man.

You got this so good... that you put the wall that you just "SELECTED AND ARROW'D" down on Wendy's lawn.

Good job you.

A notice appears on the screen informing you that you just used 2 build grist.

GC: the crap is build grist.
GC: i used some. the crap is it.

TG: idk building stuff?
TG: wat else can U do?

You look out over your lawn to see if the wall squashed any pumpkins.
What pumpkins?
You've never grown pumpkins in your life, stupid. You captchalogue the gas tanks to avoid a nasty accident. Rucksack modus sure is hard to weaponise but it does have some great perks. Like this cute face from an anime cartoon you've never seen in your life.

GC: no clue. lemme mess with crap. uh.
GC: theoretically i can like. place something.
GC: stupid. thing. thing. hold on i want dinner.

You somehow pulled up a screen with things that you could theoretically place. But you think your soup is ready, so you get up and make yourself a bowl real fast. You then sit back down, chewing a piece of bone out of a soft squishy piece of meat and continue looking at stuff on the screen. You epically multitask soup and a game controller.

GC: imma place a thingy.

You place a thingy. In Wendy's room. It was labelled phernalia registry. Whatever that means.

GC: investigate the crap that does.