Homestuck: Character Edition

TG: looks more lika doohick thana thingy

You inspect the thingy. On one side there is a wheel. You try turning the wheel, and something pushes against the lid. Sadly you are not strong enough to lift the lid.

Apply crowbar to lid.

You root around in your sylladex, wishing that rucksack modus had a more efficient retrieval system. Eventually you find your crowbar and successfully prise the top off. You turn the handle again and a shiny green cylinder pops out.

TG: what is this i dont even

GC: is it expired.
GC: or is it just like what even is that.
GC: maybe it's toxic.

You nom on your soup some more, evaluating the glowing cylinder on the screen with a bit of a confuse.

TG: wat else can U put down?

You leave the room and try to clear some space in the living room. After pushing the furniture against the walls you think you've made some space. You just hope that Benedict isn't upset by your necessary redecoration plans.
Go back into bedroom.
You go back into your bedroom and see something you haven't seen before. On the thingy that GC put down, there is a small panel. The panel is displaying numbers counting down. You have the strangest feeling that you do not want it to reach zero.

TG: Y ar these No.s counting down?

optimisticallyPessimistic started pestering TurbulentGuest at 14:35
OP: Ido notknow.
OP: Maybeyou couldlink tome?
OP: IfGC linksto youthat is.

Troll!Caspian
Pesterchum handle: trivialPerfectionist
Typing style: Very. Short. And. Abrupt. Making. Everything. Seem. Much. More. Final.

GC: no clue man. uh. lessee.
GC: ...we need that grist crap. i think.

Toggle screens.

You toggle through whatever screens are available to you in search of THAT GRIST CRAP. Your search is fruitless.

GC: make more. of that crap.

TG: Opti, Y not cnnect to GC an i can cnnect to Awk?
TG: GCs got it down hella tight here

You go back into your room to confront the doohickey. A glowing orb of light rises from its open top, and you wonder what the hell it is.

TG: GC R U Cing this?
TG: wat is this shit?

GC: dude. uh. maybe it's like.
GC: i dunno. magic in a can.

Utilise tabs.

...Wait you can tab a videogame? ...uhh...alright. You tab over to the Sburb FAQ written by someone named TentacleTherapist. Whoever typed this crap used far too many big words and not enough proper letters...where is the 4? 1? You trudge through it anyway, filling in vowels as you see fit.

This is apparently a sprite. Alrighty then.

You tab back to the game screen...you suppouse this feature is something that your shrinebox gives you access to...weird thing that it is.

GC: uh. try prototyping it. with like. a thingymagigger.

TG: n how do i do that
TG: do i like talk to it or something

You are starting to get seriously pissed off with this stupid thing, and eject the first thing that comes to hand from your sylladex at it. You hit the floaty glowy bastard square in the face it doesn't have with... A raptor skull? Whatever.

except that now it does have a face. Well, a skull. A raptor skull, to be precise, and yours is nowhere to be seen. It must have been absorbed. Prototyped is the word GC used.

6:59
6:58
6:57
6:56
6:55

This is starting to worry you.

TG: GC? i need U to do sumthing i dun care wat
TG: srsly. im worried here. is there NE other free stuff?

GC: there is a floating dino skull.
GC: a floating dino skull.
GC: And all you care about is an alarm clock.
GC: it's probably how long you have to like. do something. stand on your head and jump up and down for 6 minutes. see if we win something.

Have another spoonful of soup.

It's kind of cold now, but you eat it anyway. You look at the screen contemplatively before looking through all the stuff you could spawn again. You find two more free things.

You realise you really like free stuff, considering your financial status as an Audian, and even though you're sure Wendy is over exaggerating the seriousness of the situation, you decide to SELECT AND ARROW the things into places that previously housed Wendy's furniture.

GC: ohhey. uh. there's this...here. have whatever this is.

You plop something called the Alchimeter down in a space cleared by Wendy.

GC: oh. and take whatever this thing is too. no frikkin idea man. it must be a spinny death carving machine.

You take a moment to contemplate your fifth grade vocabulary. Audian schooling has certainly done you well. Machine is a two syllable word. That simply reeked class and sophistication. It also hopefully masked the fact that you have no idea what a TOTEM is. Or for that matter a LATHE. You don't even know how to pronounce lathe. Maybe like bath. Bath with an E attached. Bath-E.

Machine definitely sounds fancier than Lath-e.

TG: iv used 1 of these B4!

You clamp the shiny green cylinder in place and fiddle with the machine.
Literally nothing happens.
Well, that was anticlimactic. meanwhile, the floaty skull thingy is starting to creep you out.

TG: is ther NE other free stuff?
TG: like sumthing 2 go in this slot?

GC: uh no. can you like. i dunno. make something to go in the slot.
GC: alright i'll check. uh.

You look at the things available for SELECTING and ARROWING. You are going to need a LOOOT more grist in the future.

Go back to page one.

how the crap did you get to a different page of stuff to...oh... You button mash uselessly for a bit and then make your way back to the page with the stuff appropriate to this part of the quest.

GC: here try this thing.

You drop a PUNCHED CARD onto the bed where the Raptor Skull had been prior to being prototyped.

TG: ta ill get 2 wrk.

You get to work. Apparently, you manage to carve some vase-looking shit out of this green glass stuff. You have no idea what happens to the swarf and you're pretty sure that it's killing you with radiation.

TG: i gots me a vase. wat now?

GC: put a plant in it.
GC: i dunno.

You noodle about a bit, looking at stuff and stuff.

GC: well. we got one more contraption to do crap with.
GC: try that.

TG: hokay wat do i do?

You put the vase thingy in the middle of the circle with the weird carvings on.
Literally nothing happens.
You start to sense a pattern.

1:55
1:54
1:53
1:52
1:51
1:50

You take it from the centre and put it on the smaller pedestal. Suddenly it starts doing something with the robot-arm-thing. This is some serious biznasty all up in here.

TG: U gettin this?

OP: Soundsgood.
OP: I'llpester GCnow.

optimisticallyPessimistic stopped pestering TurbulentGuest at 14:40
optimisticallyPessimistic started pestering GrifterCannibal at 14:40

OP: Hey! GC!
OP: Yougot theSburb betaright?

GC: gah. what. oh hi.
GC: sorry. kinda. like. dealing with some nonsense.
GC: yeah. i have the beta.

You now have two pesterchum windows open and a trying to pay attention to the insane nonsense going on on your screen and presumably also at Wendy's house.

You got this.

GC: uh. TG. if you suddenly detonate or something. you might wanna not detonate.
GC: also. maybe the whole. like. robot arm thingy is like a. i dunno thingy.
GC: could do something important. or. something.

Your soup has by now been completely forgotten and is so cold that the liquid bits are starting to congeal into like...human porridge or something like that. You could probably make candles out of that congealed goo.

Make Candles.

What? No, you're kinda in the middle of something important here, who cares whether there's anything except the light of your shrinebox to see by?

You watch in puzzlement as a table appears in the centre of the large circular bit. There is a tablecloth on it and a Christmas cracker on that. The whole shebang is made of that like green glass-stuff. Fairly certain that you are dying of radiation poison, you take the cracker.

TG: i gots me a crcker. wat now?

00:59
00:58
00:57
00:56
00:55

You have never seen a cracker shaped like that. In fact... you aren't even sure that it's edible.

Not that you would want to eat something radioactive anyway...but...

GC: i would say eat it. but. this isn't really that. kind of cracker.
GC: i think.
GC: no idea. uh. what are you like. suppoused to do with it.

You are torn between making a big deal about the apparent impending demise of...something... and just hoping its some kind of cosmic cooking timer. Maybe someone made stew in that thing and left it running for too long.

Contemplate your obsession with foods.

You don't do that. That would be stupid. Even stupider than making candles. At least candles provide light. But this... this psychological crap won't get you anything but a headache.

Return to staring at the screen and pondering the insanity that happens to be going down there.

You do that. Most logical thing anyone has suggested in a long while. Pfft. Candles.

Notice light.

Notice what? You look around. Actually there is some random red light coming from somewhere. It looks like it's coming from outside.

00:49
00:48
00:47

Observe meteorite calmly.

Oh hell no! Calm is not what you are right now. You panic.

TG: GC R U Cin this????? thers like rocks fallin from the sky!

00:23
00:22
00:21

Pull cracker.

You pull the Christmas cracker.

00:03
00:02
00:01
00:00

TG: im still aliv
TG: how does?

The sky outside is black. There is no sun. No stars. What the hell is this shit.

TG: GC im in a weird place wher am i

((You may all find this useful.))

((i'm a little confused as to what's going on right now...))

((@Shadow- Basically, Wendy (TG) has had the meteor strike her house, and RC (GC) is servering that. You can continue pestering GC and start servering her game, and eventually then Wendy will start servering T.Mor's game. Then T.Mor can theoretically server OP's game. And then everything goes to crap timeline wise, and kinda has started to already due to stuff we haven't written yet and whatnot.

Hope that didn't just confuse things more. ))

GC: uh. nighttime in auda. only no fire.
GC: or. i dunno. er. maybe we broke your sky.
GC: oops.

You wonder if you happen to be doing this right or if you have truly managed to suck so hard at this that you irrevocably jacked up the game.

You take this opportunity to tab back to OP. Alright so the shrinebox may be as weird as crap... but at least this appears useful somehow. Perhaps you ought to fill in the other guy.

Fill in the other guy.

GC: hey. op. uh. there's weird crap going on on tg's game.
GC: it's really jacked up.
GC: i really don't even.
GC: you gatta see this. uh.
GC: i'd say fire up your game and hit enter. but. i mean. that could maybe jack crap up.
GC: do whatever man.

You are somewhat hesitant about starting up another game of this inane debauchery, but figure... nobody's divided by zero yet...so, it can't be ALL BAD.

Make Candles.

WHAT NO YOU ALREADY SAID NO. THAT IS SO USELESS YOU DON'T EVEN---

Be the other guy.

You're not quite sure what that even means... but it's marginally less stupid than the proposition of making candles so, whatever.


==>

You have just spent a decent amount of time dragging your 65 pound shrinebox up to your room so that you don't have to sit on a cushionless sofa to play Sburb. You can instead sit on your floor floor mattress, where you already know that after six hours curled up on it you will experience pain in your lumbar region, but seriously, it's worlds better than sitting on exposed springs from the sofa.

And one of the contributing factors for the move totally wasn't the fact that you were absconding from your insane sister who was trying to guilt trip you into quitting your job...again.

Initiate flashback sequence.

What?! No. No way anyone needs to see any of the crap that goes on between you and your sister.

That is personal crap.

Fine then, be that way.

You are that way.

You've forgone food for today because it wasn't your turn to eat anyway.

There is still a piece of rubble uselessly captchalogued in your inventory, because you don't want to have to get rid of it.

TerminallyAwkward (TA) started pestering TurbulentGuest (TG) at 14:58.

TG:...h3y...s0...3r. uhm. ...wh47 3x4c7ly 1s...l1k3...h4pp3n1ng? ....uh... 1 m34n... 1 h4v3 17 s0...3r... y34h...